I am writing this on impulse, but I shall go on...
Its all been about screaming out to people what I CAN do. "Listen to me!", "I can sing too!" and about "getting an audience". Bah!
How egotistical.
Some days back, a dear friend from high school- Janani- requested me to sing the song "bhor bhayi" by bade ghulam ali khan. Very enthusiastically, I checked out the youtube link she gave me, of the Delhi 6 version rendered by Shreya Ghoshal. I heard the song and was dazed for a while. Then I heard it again. And then again.
The next day, with a lot of reluctance, I started to try singing it. I am glad I did that, for two reasons: one, it made me realize the greatness of the singers even more, and two, it made me realize, all over again, how grossly inadequate I was. After a whole day of trying to perfect it, I'm left feeling so angry and disappointed with myself. So angry that I want to say out loud, that here is something I CANNOT do.
All this while, I respected Shreya for the golden, silken, flawless voice she had. And that was it. People had often told me that my tone was similar to her's, and having covered some of her songs, I thought I wasn't too far behind. HAHAHAHAHA.
This song- bhor bhayi just made my respect for her go up ten times. This girl can SING! Wish I could do half as well as her.
Okay, time I stopped and gave the link to I am talking about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gM2NkPOOd84&feature=related
You know what's worse: the mind knows it all- this is Gujari Thodi- Thodi minus pa (i.e Shubhapantuvarali in Carnatic minus pa); so there's no grounding, M2 to D1 transition is difficult; starting phrase itself is dmdndmgrs at lightning speed. The mind understands it completely. But the vocal chords don't. It is SO annoying.
Janani- I'm sorry; I hope there comes a day when I've mastered this song.
On the other hand, sometimes (many a time actually), I feel I should just get into music research and stop singing. Or at least stop till I get somewhere close to where I want to be, with my singing. But no, the Ego won't let me do that. I'll be happy if my ego even lets this post remain to see the next day.
