Reflection....

I recently came to a realization- it seems to me like I'm not an artiste in the true sense of the word at all. Here's why: I think a key characteristic for an artiste is to be spontaneous. And I'm the least spontaneous person with respect to almost everything. I don't talk spontaneously, I don't write spontaneously and I don't SING spontaneously. I don't do anything on impulse. Everything needs to be reasoned and planned out. I never surprise myself or anyone around me. When I think about it, it's such an irony that I'm into as spontaneous an art as music. I sat down to think one day, why I love composing Carnatic songs. And it dawned on me that that has to do with my lack of spontaneity as well! May be if I were a natural talent, I would tend to do alaapanais with ease and rattle away kalpana swaras. Why compose? Coz it involves careful thought, construction and coming up with a concrete form. It's so much easier than doing an aalaapanai or singing swaras.... for the simple reason that it doesn't require spontaneity and is not extempore!

I've always firmly believed that with singing, Carnatic is much tougher than film songs, but with composing, it's exactly the other way round. Why? coz true singing in Carnatic involves manodharma- or imagination (in the form of aalaapanai, neraval, swaram etc), and if you want to be good, it better not be "pre-meditated imagination"! And composing Carnatic I believe is easy since SO much of it comes ready made in the form of ragas. So if you pick a raga in which to compose, it has its standard usages and nuances and you just go with the flow. There are boundaries. There are rules. And with limited pieces to move around in the game, its not too hard to come up with a standard classical composition. (There's at least a small challenge only if you pick rare ragas, but that's not all too tough either) Where as with "filmi" songs, a whole new range of possibilites arise. Chords. Harmonies. Overlays. Variety of instruments. There's lesser rules, so it's that much tougher to produce a good piece with not much to follow.

Anyway, coming back to me- if art means spontaneity, then I must admit I'm hardly an artiste. I'm so regimented in my thoughts... Sometimes, the thought that I'm fundamentally wired this way scares me. But many times, I feel good as well. I find immense pleasure in analyzing a piece of music philosophically. So if this is what is "natural" to me, then is this art as well? I don't know.